Warming Up Your World
These are frightening times. The tyrants at the top are desperately trying to scare us into submission. Their strategy is to make us fear one another and thus surrender to their will. Our most effective strategy to protect our freedom, our humanity, and all that we love is to be here for each other. And the best way to protect these things is to turn away from the tyrants and towards one another. How do we broaden our circles of friendship?
· Greet with warmth and openness the people you encounter in the course of your day — store clerks, passersby, folks waiting in line, delivery people. Even just a smile and a personal greeting create a connection that warms up your day and theirs. Notice or ask their name and use it to express your appreciation for them.
· Ask them how they are. Not just “Hey, how’s it going?” when you don’t really expect or want an answer but “How are you doing (or feeling) today?” The difference is not in the wording but the sincerity of your question. Convey to them that you really do want to know and build on what they tell you. If they say, “Oh, okay,” ask them gently what’s not going well. Then they know you care enough to listen.
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· Everyone has a unique story, but most people seldom get a chance to tell it. When you show interest in who and how they are, you’re giving them the rare gift of your caring attention. Your interest tells them that they matter.
· Learn to sense when people are open to connecting. If you’re passing them on the street or in a park, do they look your way? Do they nod or smile? If they look preoccupied, talking with a companion, on their cell phone or wrapped up in their own thoughts, respect their privacy and move on. Sometimes people walk most of the way past you looking elsewhere, then glance your way at the last minute. A simple nod and smile convey that you welcome their presence in your world.
· Sharing a laugh can relieve the tension in both of you. In these trying times, finding something in the situation to laugh about can be an especially effective way of lifting both your spirits. It conveys that you’re in this together and there’s still room to breathe.
· Marveling at the beauty of the moment draws you both into life’s enduring miracles. A striking sunset or cloud formation, a flock of migrating birds, and frolicking kids or pets offer opportunities for shared appreciation and confirm your commonalities. Pausing to pet their dog creates a connection with any dog lover.
· Skip politics. It’s not that they don’t matter. Politics affect everyone. But they’re the one place where you’re most likely to diverge. They trigger arguments and close down your receptivity to each other. Gravitate to topics and feelings closer at hand, where you’re most likely to find common ground. Cultivate these heartfelt connections, however brief. With curiosity and an open heart, you can quickly go to the heart of the matter.
