The Hidden Gifts of Hard Times
Life becomes most precious when it's most imperiled.
War veterans often say that the best years of their lives were those when, serving beside strangers who became the best of friends, their survival was most at risk. Coming home, they miss the bonding and solidarity with fellow soldiers that characterized their lives on the front lines. By comparison, their ordinary lives can feel like an afterthought, commonplace and inconsequential.
So it may be today, when certifiable madmen are setting fire to the Constitution and gutting 250 years of courageous struggle to create a highly imperfect commonwealth. Numbed by the sheer “shock and awe” of such barbarity, it’s taking time to find our footing, but we’re on our way. All that is still decent in this country is rising up to meet the challenge. One is reminded of Joni Mitchell’s line from “Big Yellow Taxi:” “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone?”
Yet there are hidden gifts in these hard times. If we can bear to avert our horrified gaze from this brazen attempt to hijack our attention and incinerate our hearts, we begin to notice all that’s still worth living for even in a fallen world, and how much more precious it is because it’s in mortal danger.
Learning to cherish what remains to love: Even when everything in the political world seems to be plunging from worse to worst, there’s still so much that’s worth celebrating in the non-political world and so much more good than the news will ever convey. Kindness and consideration in our close-in connections have become all the more essential in response to the cruelty on display in the gladiatorial ring. Have you noticed, as I have, how tenderly many of us are treating one another these days? There’s more laughter, more touch, more pure enjoyment of the precious moments and gestures we still summon forth in defiance of the barbarians’ death cult.
Appreciating how much good will and everyday decency still exists among most people. Life is inescapably challenging. Hard as it sometimes is to see, most of us are doing our best to do our best. In a maddeningly complicated and conflicted world, we mostly cooperate. Finances, relationships, traumatic histories and heartbreaking circumstances confound our quests for well-being and generosity. But for all our faults and failures, in moments of crisis we humans prove capable of being here for one another in touchingly heartful ways.
Noticing everyday miracles of nature: Wherever and however one lives, nature throws a lifeline — a continuous series of them, really — that we can use to rescue our wayward spirits. Many of us are choosing a walk in the park rather than a slouch on the couch. And there we find others also eager to rekindle their tattered connection with the natural world and with each other.
Making friends with strangers and strengthening our community ties: We need all the help we can get. Some of us hunker down and self-isolate but many reach out to greet others. These strangers sometimes become friends, even if only in a brief encounter. The entree may be merely a smile, greetings exchanged or a genuine question, “So how are you feeling today?”, not the pro forma, “Hey, how ya doin’?” but an authentic query motivated by curiosity and empathy. People sense when the question invites an honest answer and respond with surprising candor. Just listening to others with an open heart lifts both their spirits and yours and takes your mind off your own burden. “Be kind to everyone,” wrote Philo of Alexandria a few millennia ago, “for each of us is carrying a great burden.”
Discovering the healing power of humor in the face of horror: It may seem almost obscene to laugh when so many are suffering, but suppressing our laughter in a vain effort to aid and comfort the afflicted will do nothing to alleviate their pain or yours. And it will disable our ability to help them. When we go forth into this heartbroken world with open hearts, minds and generous laughter at our common predicament, others respond in kind. Shared laughter about our personal struggles are a balm for our spirits.
Tuning out the bad news and making some good news of your own: Those of us who used to track the news closely as a civic duty or simply a reflexive addiction are finding it just too toxic to keep ingesting. Yet we’re concerned that if we turn away, the barbarians will be free to destroy with impunity everything we value. Rest assured, many in a position to do so will engage in the crucial struggle on the front lines. These hard times may actually end up bringing us back together in the common defense. For many, building communities of kindness and caring in our own locales becomes an equally vital form of defense. These acts are innately less spectacular and “newsworthy” than setting fire to all that still matters. But they shift our energy and attention from reactive defense where the barbarians are strongest to networks of mutual support where we’re strongest and the tyrants are most vulnerable. As our local communities grow in resilience, other communities in many places are doing the same. Sharing our strategies, we make a different kind of news of our own, news we can use to spin webs of mutual support and bolster our battered spirits.
Learning to play the long game: The game plan of the barbarians is, in the words of Mark Zuckerberg, to “Move fast and break things,” hoping to shock us into submission. But this diabolical strategy is already coming up against the natural friction of a complex, contradictory world whose complications are inevitably slowing its momentum. In time, even if left to its own devices, it will self-destruct from hubris, recklessness and over-reach. Learning to play the long game requires patience, persistence and resilience. Those who imagine they can win by setting fire to everything will end up in the ashes. This is not a prediction of final victory for those who affirm the value of life and kindness. If history is any guide, there is no final resolution to anything, just a continuous, often precarious struggle between ruin and salvation. But in the long game, finding the subtle gifts hidden in hard times will steady and sustain us, enabling us not just to survive but to thrive amidst the mayhem.
